As I set here taking my last sip of my Monster energy drink, and stare at my computer screen blankley trying to think of the next big game to write about or review that will catch the readers eyes, my mind starts to wonder and drift through thoughts enticed by a chef salad that could only be tossed by the devil himself.
Which reminds me I need to get more ranch dressing the next time I go out, but obviously that's beside the point. Anyways as I set here thinking of the next big scheme to get you the reader to click and buy my S!@#, because I can't rely on my meer talent of writing "B" articles about games I absolutely know nothing about and catering to this generation of gamers who watch other gamers game.
My fingers start to step across the keys of keyboard, skipping along letters like that hand thing from The Addams Family. Was it "Thing"? I'm sure it was thing but i could be mistaking; After all there is no way a Hand could possibly be a member of the Fantastic 4. No maybe i'm thinking of "It". Was it an it or was it a thing, at this moment I'm not sure if it was a hand or if the thing was a clown.
But Anyways as I'm sitting here thinking about the next stupid 100 year old dinosaur gaming console that obviously no one gives a f!@# about. Because I cant play fortnite or should I say watch that fourty year old man that goes by the gamertag pnkpwranger69 play fortnite on my Sony Playstation phone.
I suddenly realize I have no rap career. It's too late for me to enter the game at 33 years old, with my mediocre rhyme schemes, and vast but utterly useless knowledge of rappers and their biographies and my love for artistic lyricism by studying the songs of artists named Tom MacDonald. After all I tried the path of lyricist in my youth through rock music, turns out i'm no modern day poet, that's for sure.
So I'm sitting here writing this article, starting to doubt weather I should post it or not, I've only taken 17 nicotine induced breaks and questioned myself on the origins of the names for satanic snacks like Deviled eggs and Devil's food cake.
I'm starting to ponder how my life could have been if I would have just stayed in school and went to harvard. Probably easier than trying to find that blue fairy and become a real boy. Maybe I could have settled down, in a small town, could've had a dog, could've had a swimming pool, maybe a few of them Alexa bitches I keep seeing on TV, lying around the house that I could talk to instead of interacting with other humans. Maybe she would write these article for me, I could just lie in bed and say "Alex"(obviously my assistant would be male), "Write that article about shit nobody cares about" and Alex would reply in his monotone robot voice "Writing that article about shit nobody cares about now". I would just smile and say "Thanks Alex", And alex would just know because he is my best friend, he knows everything about me and is constantly hacking my social media accounts and spying on everything I write and say so he knows exactly what I like and what type of things I should buy from Amazon.
But let's get back to the point shall we? As I was saying Idle hands are the devils playgrounds, If i'm not writing these stupid articles that no one gives a s!@# about who knows what I might do. I might just click on this Ad below and buy something ridiculously expensive from Amazon.com to help my fellow writers/gamers out and help support their stupid a$$ website full of bulls!@# no one gives a f!@# about.